GQ — In the 1980s, pro wrestling was basically an Old Country Buffet of ethnic stereotypes that today reads like a Steve Bannon doodle book: The Iron Sheik (sported twisty handlebar mustache, like everyone in Iran)! Akeem (wore a red-and-green muumuu and will go down as wrestling’s most evil 400 lb. white African)! Nikolai Volkoff (Cold War holdover cursed with Russian background but blessed with solid singing voice)! The Bushwhackers (prior to two weeks ago, the only Australians we ever feuded with)! And the breathtaking manager Slick, whose intro music was entitled, and I cannot stress how much this is real, “Jive Soul Bro.”
For All Mankind (AP)
Indy Star — In our 20-minute interview, wrestling legend-turned-comic Mick Foley spot-named the starting lineup of IU’s 1976 championship team, recalled discussing “the gentler sides of his personality” with the lead singer of Twisted Sister, confirmed that he wrote his New York Times best-selling memoir (yeah) longhand and said he literally cannot be around quiche.
If you’re not familiar with Foley, who appears March 13 at Crackers in what he says will be his last comedy/storytelling appearance “for the foreseeable future,” there are many ways to introduce yourself to his work. But you should probably start with his 1998 “Hell in the Cell” match vs. the Undertaker, a legendarily brutal bout in which he (as Mankind) gets thrown off a 16-foot-high steel cage through a ringside table, is wheeled out on a stretcher, lumbers off the stretcher, returns to the cage, climbs to the top again, gets choke-slammed through the cage onto the mat and is briefly shown with a tooth poking out of his nostril. There’s also a body slam onto a pile of thumbtacks.
More Foley at the Indy Star.
Island Packet – When I was young, in the seventh and eighth grades, I established a fantasy wrestling league with my brother and two friends, an equally violent set of brothers named Jon and Matt.
Establishing a fantasy wrestling league is, of course, an exceedingly geeky thing to do, geekier even than establishing a fantasy baseball league (actually, probably the only thing geekier than establishing a fantasy baseball league). It’s accepted — well, it used to be accepted — that at least some percentage of baseball is real, while pro wrestling is, of course, a big fake programmed trick featuring drugged-up men, fire and frequently thumbtacks (oh, sorry: SPOILER ALERT). As such, establishing a fantasy league around a sport that’s fictional to begin with is sort of a meta train wreck, like when you hold a mirror up to another mirror and can see into other dimensions. It’s certainly not something you bring up at the junior high lunch table much.