That Time My 2-Year-Old Found Out We Didn’t Throw Him a Birthday Party


Island Packet — The little giant turned 2 last month, and we celebrated the occasion by doing quite a lot of nothing.

It wasn’t technically nothing. We made cupcakes and sang, had a tiny party in the house with my oldest friend Alex, who sings “Happy Birthday” like a pro and made the rest of us look bad. We went on a sunset dolphin cruise, because there are few activities more enjoyable than chasing a 2-year-old around a moving sea vessel in the dark. We opened a bunch of presents from out-of-town relatives, then made a note to send them all thank-you cards — HAHAHAHA, just kidding, never happened, but thanks guys, for real.

(The boy, for his part, marked the morning by spraying his blanket, crib sheets, crib bumpers, wall and floor with a festive spray of throw-up, which, now that I think of it, may have been a result of the cupcakes. He felt fine for the rest of his day, but it’s hard to be enthusiastic about someone’s birthday when they smell so terrible.)


About Jeff Vrabel

My writing has appeared in GQ, Men’s Health, Success, Billboard, Time, Modern Bride, the official, Indianapolis Monthly, The South Magazine and more. View all posts by Jeff Vrabel

One response to “That Time My 2-Year-Old Found Out We Didn’t Throw Him a Birthday Party

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