GateHouse — Thoughts, ruminations and reflections from what the Black Eyed Peas helpfully reminded us was “Super Bowl 45,” though this piece likely won’t make a lick of sense because I’m typing with one eye on the laptop and the other on “Glee,” which is apparently making its characters dramatically choose between cheerleading and Glee Club and being a zombie. (There’s also the problem that consuming 45 cubic pounds of chili during a four-hour period, coupled with a delightful buffet of beer and cupcakes, is creating what I can only assume is the first of many waves of nausea.)
• Make your jokes, but the Black Eyed Peas remembered the lyrics to all their songs.
• I’m told the over-under on Christina Aguilera’s national anthem was 1:54, so it was cunning of her to cut time off of her performance by just smooshing a bunch of verses together. Eat that, Vegas.
• So. “Thor,” huh.
• Thanks to “G Force” and several dozen other movies with anthropomorphic animals in them, my son has become familiar with the music of the Black Eyed Peas, particularly that song they have that repeats a short catchy phrase 7,500 times. So OK, I’m thinking, if there’s any good that can come from a halftime show by the Black Eyed Peas, he may be into it. So shortly before halftime, I ask, “Hey, do you want to see the Black Eyed Peas?” and he says, “No.”
• NO ONE LIKES IT WHEN THE WINNING FRANCHISE OWNER TALKS. EVER. STOP MAKING THAT THE FIRST THING WE DO AFTER THE GAME.
• Anyone else think the commercials weren’t much? I guess regarding the forced cleverness by untold thousands of marketing departments just doesn’t have that pure, emotional resonance it once did, or maybe the collective evaluation of a numbing four-hour barrage of television advertising is no longer as fulfilling as it once was, somehow.
• Great, now when I wear my usual Monday metal hairpiece everyone’s gonna think I’m doing a ripoff Black Eyed Peas thing.
• Thanks to GoDaddy.com for inventing a way to make people less excited than ever to see Joan Rivers.
• Movies I missed: “The Fast And The Furious,” sequels 2-4.
• Excellent coup by Fox to land for pregame introductions Mark Twain, cunningly returning from the dead shortly after the publication of his unabridged memoir. Probably the best zombie-author Super Bowl intro of the decade.
• Seriously, it’s been like four hours of chili and cupcakes. I can’t feel my legs.
Related, sort of
• Winner of the night: The Guy Running The Camera In The Tunnel That Leads To The Packers Locker Room. Seriously, this guy shows up, thinks, hey, sure I drew tunnel duty but I’m at the Super Bowl, and we’ve got a nice hotel downtown and some nice swag from the network, and then, suddenly, bam, it’s his Sputnik moment. So congratulations to you, Tunnel Camera Guy, for your expert direction of shots of each of the Packers’ 49 injured players heading back for some cortisone shots, past TVs that are bigger than most buildings have in their important rooms.
• That Eminem is a surprisingly effective pitchman for tea. I like the commercial where he talks about killing his wife and dumping her body in the tea.
• So, do I need to use GoDaddy.com to look at naked celebrities online, or can I just do that with the Internet? These ads are confusing.
• Captain America, huh.
• Once again banned for next season: Reporting in postgame interviews that you have to give the other team “a lot of credit” WHEN THEY HAVE JUST BEATEN YOU IN THE SUPER BOWL. YOU DO NOT GIVE THEM A LOT OF CREDIT THEN. YOU GIVE THEM ALL THE CREDIT. THEY HAVE THE BIG TROPHY.
• So this is “Glee,” huh.