The Nine Billionth “Lost” Live-Blog/Post: Enjoy, If The Internet Still Works

You know who knows how to run an island? This guy.

GateHouse — Right, like this wasn’t going to be a column about “Lost.” Because I thought, hey, you know what would be a good way to get read on the Internet today is to write about something other than “Lost.” So, I’m sorry, Lengthy And Reasoned Think Piece on Elena Kagan, you’ll just have to wait until next week, if we even still have a “Supreme Court” by then. (Rand Paul was just Step One, punks.)

That said, I don’t know thing one about “Lost,” other than what I learn in the post-show wrap-up that takes place in my office every week (which is everything, it’s going to be just crushing uncomfortable silence in that pod for like months now), but I do know this: the Internet is Hurley-thick with “Lost” right now, if it’s even on at all, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on the kind of Search Engine Optimization with this kind of rare, shared communal event. Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost come on someone email me with a book deal already.

So anywho, please enjoy The Internet’s Nine Millionth Collection Of Some Kind Of “Lost” List Or Live-Blog Or Whatever this week, which is awesome, because watching TV and writing about it is SO MUCH EASIER than coming up with a real column idea. (To be fair, I did watch six minutes of the eight-day pre-show, in which I learned that the show was created by David Cross and Tom Waits.) Note, of course, that the following is pretty well lousy with hot spoiler action, so if you haven’t seen the show yet, you’ll want to not read this, nor turn on the Internet, nor talk to any other humans.

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http://bit.ly/9HVvsY

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  • See, already we’re not on the island. Here’s my problem with this show: The handful of times I’ve turned it on over the years, NO ONE IS EVER ON THE ISLAND. That’s why I’m watching. Really only it in for the island.
  • The little guy Ben sure gets beat up easy.
  • Everybody’s teeth are far too white in this place. Seriously, I miss one brushing and it feels like I have a caterpillar in my mouth, twice. Maybe this Desmond character found a toothbrush in the well?
  • Again with the not on the island. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET THESE PEOPLE BACK TO MARGARITAVILLE.
  • These people appeared to have produced a baby twice, which seems difficult, unless one of them is Angelina Jolie in a costume.
  • Please let there be Ewoks in this forest. (<- First time I ever said that and meant it.)
  • Um, Grey’s Anatomy? Could you put Lost back on please? Thanks.

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Related, sort of

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  • “And now everyone, it’s Wanker In A Hat, performing with five hobbits in guyliner.” They might also be the Gin Blossoms, hard to tell.
  • Hey, awesome, are there more vampire television shows coming? Maybe this new one will be about like a really pale guy with vertical hair and his unemotive girlfriend? I love ideas.
  • Weird, I was also delivered backstage bloodless in 25 seconds at a benefit concert by a woman in a cocktail dress I didn’t know.
  • KHAAAAAAAAN!
  • Looking forward to Fat Guy Falling Into Water, The Game Show. If there was only some way they could offer advice about the marriages of real people, I would immediately kill myself.
  • Given all the unpredictable seismic activity, I’d probably spend less time on the EXTREMELY DANGEROUS LEDGE
  • “Tell me I’m going to see you again?” Aren’t you sort of also seeing him right now?
  • Couldn’t get a bigger falling-rocks budget here? Come on, networks still have some money, right?
  • Not to be a jag, but they’ve had a plane there the whole time? Or even some of the time? Because it seems than even a sometimes plane MIGHT HAVE BEEN USEFUL.
  • Wait, Heaven is a church? OBVS. In my version, there’s pretty much a running Springsteen concert going on. And lots of Salma Hayek pictures.
  • Not to be a jerk, but if you’d have told me six years ago that the show was about people who crash-landed on an island where weird things began happening, about the first thing I’d say would be, “Oh, so it’s purgatory.”
  • Hey wait a minute, this series finale seems to have answered a great many questions, offered emotional resolution, made sense to people and left on a good note. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE FURIOUS.
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About Jeff Vrabel

My writing has appeared in GQ, Men’s Health, Success, the Washington Post, the official BruceSpringsteen.net, Indianapolis Monthly, Billboard, Modern Bride and more. View all posts by Jeff Vrabel

9 responses to “The Nine Billionth “Lost” Live-Blog/Post: Enjoy, If The Internet Still Works

  • mindymilburn

    I will admit in the last 10 minutes I just kind of sat there staring at the tv because of course many of us have assumed at some point or the other that the characters were in fact dead so I didn’t expect them to do something expected….

    BUT it was a fantastic finale and I cried about a dozen or so times (long pause while you make fun of me) so furious from me you won’t be seeing 🙂 then again when am I ever furious?

    Like

  • davisw

    HELP! I’m trying to avoid spoilers til I can watch it tonight!!

    Like

  • Bradshaw

    I have determined that “Lost” was a very good show if you’re the type of person who cares about character development, and nothing else.

    Those of us who like a good story mixed in have been watching with our dicks in our hands ever since Season One ended.

    Like

  • Matt

    It was rather obvious having heaven be a church, though it beats the original ending in which God was a DJ, and life was a dancefloor.

    Also, I think you missed something. The island wasn’t purgatory – that really happened – it was the “flash-sideways” world that was purgatory. Everything that happened on the island was real. Or, at least as real as your typical episode of Survivor at least.

    Like

    • Jeff Vrabel

      God, Matt, I want to punch you in the throat right now.

      No no, you’re totally right. Kind of a neat twist, I guess? Although I stand by my point that anyone who ever bought a comic book in their lives could have guessed Purgatory by Episode 2

      Like

  • wordofabe

    I watched the first episode…or part of it before I got bored and turned the channel. A plane crashed into a jungle and the survivors got stranded there.

    I missed the next episode. Then the next one. Then I tried to watch it again and found that I was the one that was “lost”. So I never watched it again.

    And nothing happened to me. I’m still me. Everything is going to be okay.

    Like

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