Novelty candy industry has totally gone to pot

pot suckers.jpg

Pot stickers are delicious wait what does this say

Island Packet – Georgia stores might soon be prohibited from selling to minors lollipops, gumdrops and other candy that’s been flavored to taste like marijuana. Wow. Journalism can be hard, but some of these leads totally write themselves.

The state House last week passed a measure that would effectively end the sale of pot-flavored candies with clever names like “Kronic Kandy” and “Pot Suckers.” Because when you poll marijuana enthusiasts about the reasons they enjoy the drug, their first response is often “It tastes fantastic.” (The second reason is generally “I’m Snoop Dogg.”)

“This kind of product is being taken to concerts like the old ice cream pop that is being marketed on the street,” said Republican state Rep. Judy Manning of Marietta, the bill’s sponsor, in a metaphor that confuses me. “They’re selling for $4 to $8 apiece. It’s quite expensive, and it’s quite detrimental to our children.”

Marketers argue the treats are a harmless novelty, much like marketers themselves, and many advise stores to sell it only to those 18 or older. They say the candies’ flavor comes from the inclusion of hemp essential oil, which gives them the oily, grassy taste of marijuana, and if the idea of a candy that tastes oily and grassy doesn’t get you all worked up, well, I don’t know what will (if you’re wondering, the taste of hemp is hard to describe, but it helps to imagine chewing on Willie Nelson’s beard).

But the move by the House seems part of a general downturn in the otherwise lucrative Candy That Tastes Like Your Dorm Floor market. “Due to the controversial nature of the item, ICUP Inc. has decided to voluntarily suspend all marketing and distribution relating to their ‘Pot Suckers’ product,” reads a large red statement on the company’s Web site. Company executives, the statement went on, now will return to its usual business of laughing at “Chappelle’s Show” skits over and over and playing “Gran Turismo” for 16 hours at a time.

There actually are two companies selling the hemp-flavored candies. Chronic Candy is based in Corona, Calif. — they sell two lollipops in $5 “nickel bags,” ba dump bump, thanks for coming, tip your waitresses. ICUP, the Trenton-based company that shut down Pot Suckers, also is responsible for a lively list of other weed-related paraphernalia, including, clothing (?), glassware (??) and pot-leaf molds for ice cubes, an idea that one could not have possibly invented while sober.

Surprisingly, both companies’ goods are a big hit at Spencer Gifts, where the lollipops provide a welcome break from the stores’ otherwise classy, fashionable atmosphere; you can find the Pot Suckers generally by the 30-foot-wide Dale Earnhardt mirrors and the can of burp-smell spray. According to The Media, Spencer sold 110,000 of the pops last year, although most of those went to the Black Crowes.

It’s hard to make this story any better, but I suppose it would be nice if we could have a silly, aggressively patronizing quote from an executive of some kind.

“The pops are not intended for kids. We try to keep them in venues that are not kid-friendly,” Steven Trachtenberg, president of ICUP, told USA Today, referring I’m sure to Spencer Gifts’ target demographic of affluent, highly educated liberal arts professors and adding, “It’s up to parents to police their kids.” As a parent, I’m torn. I agree with him in theory, yet I’d just as soon spring break in Sadr City than ever enter a Spencer Gifts again.

But here’s the kicker: There’s no THC in any of these. So you can’t get high from them. You can’t get high from any candy, actually. Well, except Pop Rocks. Don’t tell Georgia.

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About Jeff Vrabel

My writing has appeared in GQ, Men’s Health, Success, the Washington Post, the official BruceSpringsteen.net, Indianapolis Monthly, Billboard, Modern Bride and more. View all posts by Jeff Vrabel

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