Spin Class Forced Me to Confront Many Uncomfortable Truths About Pitbull (via GQ)

GQ — So you’ve never taken a spin class. Well, it’s forty some odd minutes of nonstop pedaling, uphill climbs, perplexing grip-adjustments, gear turns, 74-year-olds, hyperventilating, and a Pitbull track or twelve.

1. There are other guys coming, right? Other guys are coming?

2. I’m sure other guys are coming. Guys are late to things all the time.

3. That’s a girl.

4. Girl.

5. Girl.

6. Girl.

7. That’s a guy, but he’s 74.

 

The rest of the thought process over at GQ.

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The All-Ages Genius of Rockabye Baby (via the Washington Post)

I ain’t sorry.

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Washington Post — Pro tip for aspiring PR executives: If you’re ever announcing a Beyoncé-themed baby product, try to do so just days before she Instagrams her pregnancy.

Such was the most recent stroke of good news in the potent, enduring tale of the Rockabye Baby series, which for 11 years and 78 albums has tried to alleviate one of the worst parts of being a parent — the music — with lullabied instrumental covers of songs from, you know, real bands. The Beyoncé version is the latest in a list that includes Prince, the Beatles, Springsteen, the Pixies, David Bowie, Eminem, the Cure, Guns N’ Roses, Rush, Kanye West, Radiohead, Adele, Cyndi Lauper, Tool and Iron Maiden. (If you think you had a weird day at work, imagine trying to coax “The Number of the Beast” out of a harp and glockenspiel.)

A look inside the world of the planet’s dominant Kanye West lullaby-making machine.

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This is Your Brain on One Month of Constant Gratitude (via Success)

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Success — Confession: Before this assignment, I’d never even considered keeping a gratitude journal. I imagined parchment and elf-crystals and perfumed writing chambers where the air is 75 percent mulberry incense, and purple-haired millennials talk an awful lot about chakras.

Gratitude is also an example of what humans call feelings, and I have spent an awful lot of energy trying to avoid those. But as it happens, what makes me a lousy human also leaves me pretty well-qualified to gauge the effects of a gratitude journal—a tally of thanks I kept throughout December to see whether the gurus and positive psychologists are right about its uplifting power.

Science has fallen over itself proving how gratitude makes you not only a warmer person but a healthier one. “Previous research has linked gratitude to improved mental health, lower levels of anxiety and improved sleep,” says Blaire Morgan, Ph.D., a research fellow at the University of Birmingham in England. “Our own research has demonstrated a strong link between gratitude and three different measures of well-being: satisfaction with life, subjective happiness and positive affect.”

Here’s what happened after a month of relentless gratitude. 

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Why It’s Time to Go Back to the Mall (via GQ)

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GQ — Men today are always searching for a miracle cure—the magical face serum that reverses aging, the world’s lather-iest shaving cream. We went searching for the best source, and the miracle is: We found it. It was right past Auntie Anne’s Pretzels!

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How the Lumineers Took Over Folk-Rock with Two Sounds and a Snappy Pair of Suspenders (via Indy Star)

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Indy Star — Rarely have clomping feet and two onomatopoeias made a bigger splash than they did in “Ho Hey,” the evocatively old-timey and globally ubiquitous single from the self-titled debut by the Lumineers — you may remember it if you turned on a music machine in 2012. In not even three minutes, the world’s leading melancholy folky foot-stomping breakup anthem both threw more coal on the folk-Americana fire and vaulted the Lumineers from the Denver coffeeshop circuit to arenas, other continents and festivals full of people who like to clap and stomp together. Jeremiah Fraites — the one without suspenders — spoke by phone from an early tour stop in Chicago about “Ophelia,” opening for U2’s “Joshua Tree” tour and how to make a hockey arena feel like a Colorado coffeeshop.

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The Head and the Heart on “Signs of Light,” ’90s Videos and Bob Knight (via Indy Star)

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Indy Star — Tyler Williams, drummer for the Seattle-based folk-rock outfit The Head and the Heart, can remember every single show his band has played in Indiana. He’s got good reason: His parents hail from Columbus, his mom is an IU graduate and his dad’s decorating tastes are heavy on the Hoosiers. “(My mom) was there for (former coach Bob) Knight’s undefeated season in ’76,” Williams said. “And my dad still has a shrine to Knight in the basement.”

The Head and the Heart has been enjoying plenty of acclaim of their own since the release of their 2011 self-titled debut, which quickly settled into a prime spot in the post-Mumford artisan folk-rock scene and became the best-selling debut for Sub Pop records in years. That album produced “Lost in my Mind” and “Down in the Valley,” which continue to appear on your Pandora stations, as well as a studio version of the band’s stirring, gospel-kissed “Rivers and Roads,” which had served as their walk-off song for years. The 2013 follow-up “Let’s Be Still” was maybe a little more intimate and refined than its predecessor, but it enjoyed a warm reception and kept the band plenty busy on the road. The full interview at the Indy Star.

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Silver Linings Playbook: What I Learned from 30 Days of Endless Positive Thinking (via Success)

silverliningsplaybook

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Success — My earliest memory is a pretty bad one. I was called out by a substitute teacher in kindergarten for talking during story time.

You could argue that, in the grand scheme of things, getting in trouble at 5 isn’t that big of a deal. But the story, and how it’s burned into my brain forever, speaks to a shared and brutal human reality: We cling to the bad moments—getting busted in kindergarten, botching a speech, getting broken up with the day after the prom, feeling wordlessly judged by someone in richer clothes, whiffing on a 3-2 count in the bottom of the ninth—with more force than we afford the good ones. Negative memories are monstrous beasts, gross and sticky octopuses that attach themselves with ferocious tenacity to the present. Science, Eastern religion, elections and all eight Star Wars movies prove that negative powers aren’t easily fought. Only the strongest and most disciplined minds can train themselves to destroy the darkness with light.

I do not have such a mind.

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HGTV’s Two Chicks and a Hammer Nail Down a Second Season of ‘Good Bones’ (via Indianapolis Monthly)

two chicks and a hammer good bones hgtv

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Indianapolis Monthly — There are a lot of ways to destroy a chimney—and most of them are satisfying—but Mina Hawk (née Starsiak) says you’re really only supposed to stick with one. “A brick at a time,” says Mina, over coffee/La Croix at Calvin Fletcher’s coffee shop in Fletcher Place. “We allllll went to college. We allllll understand gravity.”

But during a recent day of shooting the second season of Good Bones, the HGTV home-renovation show she headlines with her mother, Karen E Laine, Mina suddenly found herself dealing with a second, considerably more dramatic method. “Spoiler alert,” says Mina, sounding as if she’s still trying to convince herself she saw this. “Tad just pushes it over.”

Tad is Mina’s college-aged little brother and the guy in charge of the Good Bonesdemolition crew. Tad’s gift is for breaking things. But here, Tad has made what Mina clearly regards as a questionable decision. “Tad is on the roof, sees the chimney wobbling, and pushes it over. It goes straight through the roof. Huuuuuge hole,” says Mina, sounding either scolding or impressed; I can’t actually tell which. For her part, Karen is more delighted. “We were all like, ‘That was really cool! But shit!’”

This is more or less a standard afternoon on the set of Good Bones, currently shooting a second season that premieres in May. Good Bones differs from many home-renovation shows in two key departments: 1. Significant increase in angry falling towers of brick, and 2. Mina and Karen handle nearly everything themselves.

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Mexican Wrestling’s Biggest Villain is One Bad Trump-Loving Hombre (via GQ)

"Bad dudes!"

“Bad dudes!”

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GQ — In the 1980s, pro wrestling was basically an Old Country Buffet of ethnic stereotypes that today reads like a Steve Bannon doodle book: The Iron Sheik (sported twisty handlebar mustache, like everyone in Iran)! Akeem (wore a red-and-green muumuu and will go down as wrestling’s most evil 400 lb. white African)! Nikolai Volkoff (Cold War holdover cursed with Russian background but blessed with solid singing voice)! The Bushwhackers (prior to two weeks ago, the only Australians we ever feuded with)! And the breathtaking manager Slick, whose intro music was entitled, and I cannot stress how much this is real, “Jive Soul Bro.”

In 2017 wrestling remains yuge in Mexico, where lucha libre—marked as ever by facemasks, ludicrous acrobatics, and deathlessly repeated babyface vs. heel storylines—draws thousands to arenas three nights a week. So if you’re an up-and-coming wrestler looking to make your villainous name in Mexico City, you become a Trump-thumping flag-waving Real American.

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This Enormous Falling Pierogi Pushed Me Right Off Facebook (via Vice Tonic)

pierogi drop 2017 whiting indiana

Real news.

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Vice / Tonic — If there’s one thing we all know to be true, it’s that we should abandon Facebook now. I knew this. And in all likelihood, you know this.

You can’t swing a dead cat around the internet without bumping it into studies proclaiming how we’re all burning the precious gift of life on a yawning vacuum packed with screaming idiots, masked cries for help from vague sad people we no longer know and whatever our exes are doing, which, surprise, doesn’t help anything. (Science, incidentally, also frowns on swinging dead cats, but I couldn’t find any studies on that.)

So while we all should quit for very good reasons, I ended up quitting, like I do most things, because of pierogies. 

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