GateHouse — You kids, you can have your Wii and your DS and that Microsoft thing where you hop around your living room like a lunatic; my heart will always belong to the Commodore 64, the mauve, 95-pound cheese block that, along with “Raising Hell” and an enormous pair of brown plastic Harry Caray glasses, basically defined the mid-1980s for me and set me on a rewarding lifelong path of being able to type really fast (95 words per minute, Mavis Beacon WHUT).
The imbeciles in charge of the “budget negotiations” can have the important TV space this week; for a particular crowd of inveterate nerds, and by that I mean all the people I spent messaging things like “DO YOU THINK I CAN GET ‘STREET SPORTS BASEBALL’ ON MY PHONE?” the news of the week was that the C64 is being re-released for the modern age. The new Commodore will feature modern wonders like a fancypants new processor and Blu-ray player, but keeping the exterior, in the words of the company’s Web site, “as close to the original in design as humanly possible.”
In preparation for what will likely be several weeks of uncontrollable joyful sobbing, here are My Unbearably Scientific Top 12 Games For The Commodore 64, which I know because I played them instead of doing things like learning sports or marketable career skills. If you did not have a C64, you have no idea how much you want to stop reading right now. If you did, welcome, Another Visitor.
Impossible Mission: To usher in the modern era of video games, Epyx thought it’d be fun to star with an INCOMPREHENSIBLY DIFFICULT PUZZLE that no human could remotely hope to accomplish, and then added passwords, hidden doors, some NORAD-level computer code and sheet music to it. “Impossible” was also one of the first games to use digitized speech, which sounded like Darth Vader speaking through an inverted traffic cone from 30 yards away, but still made people literally drool in glassy-eyed amazement.