Category Archives: PopDose

There’s A Fred Durst To See You, Sir: Run-DMC and the “Crown Royal” Fiasco

Despite his prominent placement on this cover, DMC, sadly, appears on this record approximately as much as I do

PopDose — Let it first be proclaimed that talking the smack about Run-DMC pains me on a very deep and contemplative level; it feels much like punching my grandfather, or making fun of my son’s hair when he stumbles up in the morning (to be fair, though, he looks totally drunk, and it’s kind of hilarious).

But Raising Hell was the first real cassette I ever high-speed dubbed (though I made sure to awkwardly snip out the super-bad words), and my entry into not only hip-hop but the greater world in general, as at the time I was living in a one-stoplight whistle-stop called Upland, Ind., where it was generally accepted that the music world basically began and ended with Amy Grant. My devotion lasted through for years, too, through Tougher Than Leather, through Down with the King, and through the first seven seconds of Crown Royal, which immediately thereafter turned into a pretty shocking platter of comprehensive suck.

The complete deconstruction is over at PopDose.


The Steel Horse Archives: Mr. Big, “To Be With You” (1991)

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PopDose — Part Three of The Steel Horse Archives features Mr. Big, who are inexcusable and impossible to defend, no matter what Aaron Bradshaw says. Go to PopDose at once to find out what these pinheads have to do with Mega Man, and why they rule Japan with an iron fist.

The Steel Horse Archives: Warrant, “Cherry Pie” (1990)

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PopDose — Part Three of The Steel Horse Archives features Warrant, whose inexcusably awful 1990 “Cherry Pie” sports an art-directed “metaphor” that is single-handedly responsible for making Warrant the hair band of choice among English grad professors. Go to PopDose at once to find out what in the hell these idiots are doing writing a song called “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.”

The Steel Horse Archives: Tesla, “Love Song” (1989)

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This record was Tesla's last to not include at least 9 classic-rock covers.

PopDose — Part Two of The Steel Horse Archives, featuring Tesla, whose important-looking 1989 morality play “The Great Radio Controversy” is pictured. Go to PopDose at once for some gorgeous Renaissance-era acoustic guitar magic and mp3s that you can quietly download without having to admit it.


The Steel Horse Archives: Cinderella, “Somebody Save Me” (1986)

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At midnight, they turn into Warrant.

PopDose — Part One of The Steel Horse Archives, my ridiculous and self-indulgent series over at PopDose concerning the rise and mostly fall of Hair Metal, involves Cinderella, the ladies pictured at right who were responsible for one of 1986’s fizziest pants-metal records, “Night Songs.” Head over to PopDose at once to get Saved and for a pumpkin-coach full of free mp3s that you can quietly download without telling anybody.


PopDose Flashback: Tone Loc, “Loc’ed After Dark”

c90402m5yqlPopDose — There’s no way around this: Tone Lōc’s 1989 debut, Lōc-ed After Dark, is COMPLETELY ADORABLE. The elementary, dubious and occasionally tortured rhyme scheme (”lax-adaiscal’ with “that’s the way to go,” “night” with, uh, “tonight”)! The sustained reports about how skilled a rapper one can be without actually rapping anything! The neurotic reliance employment of the first four break-beats in the history of the world! Lōc-ed After Dark may be the only album with the word “motherfucker” in it you sort of feel like you could play for your kids.

The full review, via the extremely good people over at PopDose.



Review: Guns N’ Roses, “Chinese Democracy” (No, really)

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Popdose — Unless you spent a lot of time in the company of William Shatner, “Chinese Democracy” will likely be one of the most ridiculous audio recordings you ever come across. It is sprawling and stupid and ludicrous and hilarious and will make you shoot milk out of your nose and cringe and it is not very good and sometimes extremely terrible, and just when you think things cannot possibly get any more extraordinarily strange, that’s when Axl Rose drops the MLK sample on you.

Originally slated for release in 1948, “Chinese Democracy” comes out Sunday exclusively for people shopping for Black Friday-sale plasmas at Best Buy, a wise promotional stunt and kind of an all-in proposition — if putting this record out this week doesn’t create interest or move units, nothing will. Because one thing is sure: The songs won’t sell it. Read the full review via the good people at PopDose.


Popdose’s “Songs for the Dumped”

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If you don’t already, stop whatever you’re doing – put the kids to be, send the dogs outside, close the blinds in the office – and head over to PopDose, an insanely overstuffed online buffet of daily cultural goodness. It’s all good, and this month I’ve had the chance to help out with a touching, emotional anthology called Songs for the Dumped, in which various music writers share tales of Woe, Melancholy and Depression, complete with downloadable audio goodies and just in time for Feb. 14.

Keep up with the whole collection here, and my own heart-rending first installment, featuring the emotionally charged music of 1991 Guns N’ Roses here.


Wonderful Christmas Hell

Every year, to decorate the holiday season with heaping helpings of hideous terror, the elftastic Jason Hare and the lovely and talented Jefito furnish The 25 Days of Mellowmas, in which they – on purpose, mind you – absorb some of the season’s most bowel-clenching music, much of which has been recorded by Michael McDonald.

Because they are extremely friendly elves, they let me turn in this small piece on “Wonderful Christmastime,” which I have contended for years is the worst piece of music in the history of recorded human history, and which fellow blogger Py Korry remixed into a full nine-minutes of nogtastic horror. So to squeeze one last drop out of your fruit of holiday joy, head over to JasonHare.com for a quick walk into the first circle of “Wonderful Christmas Hell.”

God bless us, every one.


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