“Mr. Vrabel? First Of All, Your Son Is Fine…” #ridiculousinjuries #boars

rubber-duck

This story will eventually involve a rubber ducky.

Island Packet — The phone buzzed, and it was the school’s number. “Mr. Vrabel?” said the slightly too-calm voice on the other end. “First of all, your son is fine …”

Now, there are multiple thoughts that fireball through your brain whenever someone in a position of authority says “Your son is fine,” and the first one is almost always “AAAAAAAUGH HE’S OBVIOUSLY BEEN CARRIED OFF INTO THE WOODS BY A MANIC WILD BOAR,” which is odd, because I actually don’t think wild boars do that, or even get manic.

But whenever the phone rings and those are the first words you hear, it almost always means that someone is bleeding and that person is probably related to you. It’s gratifying, of course, to hear that everyone’s OK, but though the “logic hemisphere” tells you that the outcome is decided and the danger has passed, the “illogical storytelling chaos hemisphere” likes to sprint through the many colorful scenarios that could end in that sentence — most of which, if you’re me, involve dinosaur attacks.

.
.
.
About these ads

About Jeff Vrabel

Writer/editor at Nickelodeon's Nickmom.com, syndicated humor columnist for GateHouse, music journalist and speedily graying dad based on the coast of Carolina. View all posts by Jeff Vrabel

3 responses to ““Mr. Vrabel? First Of All, Your Son Is Fine…” #ridiculousinjuries #boars

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,689 other followers

%d bloggers like this: