This guy needs replacing? Why?
GateHouse — I was in a Chuck E. Cheese one time, once, for a birthday party for the son of a friend we no longer talk to because he held his kid’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.
This was years ago, before I knew precisely what the phrase “having kids” truly meant, before I realized you could wiggle your way out of birthday parties at the last minute (if I ever tell you “the baby has an ear infection,” I am lying to your face), before I fully appreciated that “being a parent” meant “benefiting from astronomical, near-miraculous odds to be born at this age, in this time, and then burning the impossibly precious gift of life in a windowless hellscape filled with shrieking and pepperoni and aging robot mice who sing Beach Boys songs.”
In that few hours, I learned a lot of things about both Chuck E. Cheese and pain, mostly pain. But joking about that is silly, because that is the POINT of Chuck E. Cheese, that it makes you want to invent a way to beat yourself into unconsciousness with breadsticks and everyone knows it, but ugh “the kids like it” or whatever so you do it, because who needs $400 anyway?
Well, I’ve got news: Things are about to change. Get ready to forget everything you knew about Chuck E. Cheese. Well, except that part about the loudness, and the shrieking. And the wanting to brain yourself with breadsticks. And the dead-eyed robots singing iconic 1960s surf songs you know what, whatever, just remember everything but the mascot.
Chuck E. Cheese announced last week that it’s replacing its signature mouse, rebooting Chuck, re-mousening its brand, feeling that the current rodent is too outdated, because when your business plan involves group-plumpening kids by the dozens and then plugging their brains into shooting games, you want to stay current. According to the AP, Chuck E. Cheese’s parent company, which goes by the decidedly less funtacular name of CEC Entertainment, Inc., is launching a new campaign featuring, and I’ll just quote this because there’s really no way to improve upon its awesome: “a revamped image of Chuck E. Cheese as a hip, electric-guitar-playing rock star.” I will now pause to let this amazingly marketed horror of that sentence sink in for a minute, while I play some skeeball.
Of course he is.
OK, I’m back. 29 tickets! Not bad. Totally getting that balsa wood glider and probably a Chinese finger trap.
Anyway, it’s actually not such a big deal: Chuck E. Cheese (the mascot) has been around for 35 years and, like everyone who has been around for 35 years, has gone through a series of comprehensive appearance makeovers. For instance, according to the AP, Mr. Cheese actually started life as a New Jersey rat who sometimes carried a cigar, which, of course, led to the astronomical rate of youth cigar usage in New Jersey in the mid 1970s, which I’m pretty sure is actually the reason Springsteen wanted to get the hell out of there so badly. Oh, there was also this: HE WAS A RAT, AND THE WORST POSSIBLE MASCOT FOR A RESTAURANT IS A RAT. God, I’m glad I was only 4 years old in the ’70s; they just sound like a nightmare.
Moreover, CEC Entertainment, whose offices I bet are not NEARLY as fun in real life as they are in my head right now, cites the usual reasons for needing to upgrade their mascot: flagging pizza sales, higher rents nationwide and — this is true — the rising cost of cheddar cheese. And I think I speak for everyone when I say: WAIT you guys are really using cheddar cheese? I’ll be damned.
Yet the replacement does not seem to have unfolded without controversy. According to a Chuck E Cheese fan site, which is run by someone who you will probably never come across in the weight room, the guy who has voiced Chuck E. since 1993 didn’t know he was being replaced as the voice of Chuck E. Cheese until he found “Chuck’s” new song online and discovered it was sung by someone else, which I am pretty sure has also happened to Ashlee Simpson.
HARSH, right? And I bet this “new song” was DUBSTEP or EMOCORE or ONE DIRECTION or some such nonsense, with a hip-hop interlude and guest vocals by Wiz Khalifa. Oh wait, it actually says here that the new voice of Chuck E. Cheese is the lead singer of pop-punk band Bowling For Soup, which is sentence that I am guessing makes sense to some people? Maybe the people running fan sites for Chuck E. Cheese and/or Bowling For Soup? I’d look this up a little more, but the baby has an ear infection.
I'm a a writer for such outlets as Men's Health, South Magazine, Nickelodeon's 
July 9th, 2012 at 8:52 am
Soooo funny!!! Thanks for the update on Chuck.
July 9th, 2012 at 10:46 am
Thanks, Determined!
July 9th, 2012 at 11:49 am
The new Mascot looks like he could be the villain in one of those Disney movies where mice actually talk. But I will not try to judge as I really cannot stand chuck e cheese and hope to avoid that place for as long as possible. Yuck.
July 9th, 2012 at 2:25 pm
You’re not drawn in by the prospect of a guitar-shredding Extreme mouse? That’s weird. Thanks for reading!
July 10th, 2012 at 10:26 am
Wait, their new theme song is “More Than Words”?
July 10th, 2012 at 10:36 am
Ha! Now that is a song that needs to be covered by a creepo animatronic band of robots at once
July 10th, 2012 at 3:17 am
Nice one, Jeff.
Humor makes the world go around.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:36 am
Thanks, Mick! Humor and whatever it is I’m doing here, hopefully
July 10th, 2012 at 3:19 am
SO CUTE AND FUN!!!!!!!!
July 10th, 2012 at 10:36 am
thanks, Fashion!
July 10th, 2012 at 3:32 am
the new mascot has that hint of teenaged snarkiness, just like my 7 year old.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:37 am
Right! Because if there’s anything that makes me want to go somewhere, it’s the suggestion that it might contain teenage snarkiness
July 10th, 2012 at 11:43 am
Exactly! Maybe they could run some episodes of iCarly in between acts, in the event that the parents’ snarky meters haven’t already been pegged.
July 10th, 2012 at 4:51 am
Why I wasn’t informed about this mascot back then? I just knew about him after bumping into this post. Well, I think the original illustration looks more adorable than the new one, just sayin’.
—————-
colorado springs divorce attorney
July 10th, 2012 at 10:37 am
Do you think it’s too late to start a petition to keep the original? I feel like starting a petition today
July 13th, 2012 at 2:09 am
yesss!
July 10th, 2012 at 6:12 am
Personally, I preferred the old mascot, the one they had for about 17 years, it looked much more huggable then the new one does
July 10th, 2012 at 10:38 am
Right? The new one looks like if you tried to hug it it would punch you and maybe give you rabies.
July 10th, 2012 at 6:44 am
What is this world coming to? Next thing you know Mickey Mouse will be sporting a tattoo of Sylvester on his chest and Goofy and Donald will announce that they are gay lovers! Great Post. J.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:38 am
Thanks, J. Wait, they’re not?
July 10th, 2012 at 8:05 am
Great article! I’m always reassured when I hear of others’ dislike of “C.E.C.” and other things shoved down our parental throats as something fun and family-friendly– the place always made me feel that I was about to have a seizure and invariably culminated in an over-stimulation tantrum in the car on the way home. We always made it a point to avoid C.E.C.
The times are changing.The Chuck E. makeover better include some sort of kevlar body armor. Recently, there was a parent brawl at a Chuck E. Cheese near us in suburban Pittsburgh which resulted in a stabbing:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57468776-504083/chuck-e-cheese-restaurant-attack-pa-police-arrest-lynaa-dobbins-for-allegedly-attacking-4-women-with-knife/
July 10th, 2012 at 10:39 am
You know what’s weird, in doing “research” (hahahahahha) for this pinheaded post I came across newsof a LOT of violent knife fights at Chuck E. Cheese. We are probably never having any more birthday parties anymore, anywhere
July 10th, 2012 at 8:22 am
Well, they have to keep themselves competitive, right? If Chuck E. Cheese goes down, there would be no place left to go for parents who wish to both host a birthday party and get into a knife fight.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:40 am
HA. dammit that’s funnier than anything I wrote by a million
July 10th, 2012 at 10:46 am
Fact is funnier than fiction.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:52 am
I also love your post about deep-fried Trix. Good stuff.
July 10th, 2012 at 8:33 am
Trust NJ to have a rat mascot for a restaurant! What were they thinking….
July 10th, 2012 at 10:40 am
Maybe someone already claimed the cockroach?
July 10th, 2012 at 10:59 am
Ha, indeed! Or they just use the friendly ‘roach for their overseas branches.
July 10th, 2012 at 8:35 am
You have marvelous insight and are a brilliant writer! Excellent piece. I’ve only been to a Chuck E. Cheese once in my life and it was an extremely long time ago. God knows what I was there for but I didn’t mind. I liked their pizza. I forgot about the animatronic robot Chuck E. Cheese and pals singing 60′s songs. Thanks for bringing THAT up. I wouldn’t set foot in a Chuck E. Cheese now if they paid me. The change in mascot? Sad, because every kid I’ve ever met wanted to play an electric guitar and be in a rock band. Who cares anyway, right? As long as the corporations are making money, who gives a damn if kids are getting fat off of the high cost of cheddar cheese?
July 10th, 2012 at 10:41 am
Thanks for the entirely-too-kind words, Here. And my apologies for paying you back by dredging up several decades’ worth of terrible memories.
July 10th, 2012 at 9:30 am
The old Chuck E. looked like the not so brilliant frat guy who is cool with everyone and is pretty much harmless beyond a few dumb stunts to get a laugh.
But there is something about the new guy… Like he is secretly snagging a few beers before he does his set with the kids or is not above lifting a set of credit card numbers to commit some crime. A bad seed!
Thankfully though you said the new song is done by the singer of Bowling For Soup which counter acts everything. If they wanted rock, they would have picked Ian Astbury from The Cult or Rob Zombie. Bowling For Soup in the world of rock is somewhere just above The Wiggles.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:42 am
OK we are definitely starting a petition for Rob Zombie this minute. If they want to make this thing serious, MAKE IT SERIOUS
July 10th, 2012 at 9:44 am
Because a rock star mouse/rat/whatever he is will really pull in more customers….
July 10th, 2012 at 10:42 am
tell me a rat with a guitar doesn’t make you want to eat pepperoni
July 10th, 2012 at 9:50 am
Hahahaha! Congrats on being Freshly pressed!
July 10th, 2012 at 10:42 am
Thanks, Mom’s!
July 10th, 2012 at 10:03 am
I am really liking the new Chuck E Cheese. My daughter will longer have to be coerced to enter the building with her brother(who really likes to go to Chuck E Cheeses) . Thanks send me some coupons dianeelgi@gmail.com
July 10th, 2012 at 10:43 am
ha! glad you approve, Diane. And I do not think I will be benefiting from any coupons from CEC today I’m afraid
July 10th, 2012 at 10:08 am
i like lo mejor que e vistp ♥
July 10th, 2012 at 10:31 am
I really think the only people who really care are kids, or adults who never grew up.
July 10th, 2012 at 10:38 am
http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Poochie.jpg
July 10th, 2012 at 10:44 am
HA. Genius
July 10th, 2012 at 11:26 am
This re-branding thing is really going to far. I’ve even heard talk of staged photo ops showing paparazzi-style photos of Mr. Cheese smoking marijuana. He will later do a Youtube press conference denying that he has ever used drugs, vehemently condemning regional rival Mr. Gatti’s Pizza for setting him up, and overall re-framing his image as the edgy yet wholesome murine rockstar we’ve always trusted. Fantastic post.
July 11th, 2012 at 8:50 am
Thanks, Examiner! I particularly enjoy the marijuana image
July 10th, 2012 at 11:32 am
Oh wow. You don’t mess with the Chuck. That’s like rebranding the American flag! Or something like that…
July 11th, 2012 at 8:51 am
Ha! It’s like tugging on Superman’s cape! It’s like spitting into the wind!
July 10th, 2012 at 11:34 am
“…group-plumpening kids by the dozens…” Sentence fragments like this are why you are on my blog roll. Thank you for that, because it may be my new catchphrase.
July 11th, 2012 at 8:51 am
I’m working on having it crocheted onto wall art. Thanks for reading, CB
July 10th, 2012 at 11:56 am
I’ve never liked the mouse. As a kid my parents could never get me in the building. And, if they did I would run into the mouse whole under the stage where Chuck E. Cheese could’t fit. When I ate pizza I would hide on the far end of those noisy kid filled booths where Chuck E. Cheese couldn’t get to me because he would be preoccupied by all of the screaming kids next to me. I always thought he was a fraud. I never did play any games there because I was afraid of Chuck E. Maybe I was horrified of him because his name too much resembled Chucky that character with the wide eyes, red hair and knife that freaked me out as a child. You know Chucky from Child’s Play. That even more freaked me out…the name Child’s Play. Chucky and Chuck E., in my opinion, either one was Child’s Play. Maybe I was just a wise kid who saw past the spectacle of the entire Chuck E. Cheese enterprise. As an adult I could care less about Chuck E. Cheese. But, I do have to say that I am kind of fond of the old mouse mascot that I was so scared of as a child. The new mascot looks too much like a rat. As a child I probably would have been more scared of the new mascot. Funny! Thanks CEC Entertainment for freaking me out again. Thanks for freaking us all out. Way to boost your sales!
July 11th, 2012 at 8:52 am
RIGHT? I kind of had the same thing with all anthropomorphic animals, at Disney or the circus or whatever. My kids do too. Why can’t these giant mice just leave our children alone?
July 10th, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Dubstep is really popular for ads anymore. You’ll be sitting there, and all of a sudden, wub wub wub, and you’re looking at the TV to see what’s going on. It’s actually weirdly effective for that. Also, you missed an opportunity for a Deadmau5 joke in there, but that’s okay. Not everyone feels compelled to listen to awful music. (Please note: I love awful music).
July 11th, 2012 at 9:02 am
dammit I just laughed out loud at “wub wub wub” and now everyone in the coffeeshop is looking at me, including this bald guy sitting across from me. what do I tell him?
July 11th, 2012 at 10:42 am
Wub wub wub?
July 10th, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Sweet jiminy crackers! My daughter is only two so I haven’t been subjected to the hell of The Cheese yet, but the hip new rocker mouse is not cute. NOT CUTE. And he looks kinda angry. I don’t want angry mice near my food.
July 11th, 2012 at 9:03 am
oh now you hate having angry mice near you food? I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU
July 11th, 2012 at 9:06 am
I’m like an onion. I have many layers and I’ll make you CRY!
July 10th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I’m just cruising around the web on my lunch break, trying to find something to lighten my day a bit or make me smile…and then I come across this little nugget of gold and I’m practically falling out of my chair in laughter!
Thank you, Mr. Vrabel. That’s all I can say. Just thank you.
July 11th, 2012 at 9:06 am
You’re welcome, Richard! Thanks for the kind words
July 10th, 2012 at 12:55 pm
If it gets me out of having to go to Chuck E Cheese, I may develop an ‘ear infection’ myself. I will do this by drinking an entire bottle of vodka, hitting myself in the ear until it bleeds, and then moaning and making my husband take care of me. Fun times.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:46 am
Good luck getting an ear infection!
July 10th, 2012 at 1:12 pm
It’s been years since I’ve been in a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant, but dare I say the company mascot ISN’T the reason for flagging sales? A revamped, guitar playing cartoon isn’t going to suddenly compel parents to take their kids into the dungeon that is Chuck E. Cheese. I would say flagging sales are a result of a community more aware of personal eating habits more than anything else. Oh, and the hygienic mayhem that is the ball pit.
Seriously? It’s pizza and video games and the aforementioned precursor to a tetanus shot. There are places like that popping up EVERYWHERE. Plus I think kids nowadays are bungee jumping or fire walking or paint balling for their birthdays. Or having video game parties. Or boosting cars. Not visiting a pizza place with insufficient lighting and torn carpet. And screaming infants…
Besides, the new logo looks more rat-like than mouse. And unless he is in the kitchen abiding by all OSHA rules and fixing up French cuisine, I’m not impressed.
No, instead I’m a little offended they expect us to believe a four fingered rodent can play a six string guitar. I have five fingers and it’s difficult enough for me. Are they saying the rat is better than me? Grrr…I need to write a letter.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:47 am
I think you just did write a letter, Morton. But this is a good point. Have you ever been moved to make an important purchasing decision because of the subconscious image put forth by a cartoon mouse? I do it all the time but I’m weird.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am
The Mad Men ARE out to get us. Sounds like they’ve gotten you. Beware QVC, my friend…Beware QVC…
July 10th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I’ve never been to Chuck E Cheese. I always hated the commercials for it as a kid. It’s way past time for this guy to get an upgrade. I like it.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 am
Right? I remember the commercials being frenetic and kind of annoying, and thus accurate
July 10th, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Well, at least they’re not breaking up the band.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 am
HA
July 10th, 2012 at 1:35 pm
So they want the mouse-rat-thing animated? I’m not a big fan of Chuck, but why? WHY does the mouse have to be gone!
July 12th, 2012 at 8:49 am
Oh yeah. Can’t have a mouse-rat-thing just sitting there being motionless!
July 10th, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Clearly an American brand that I have not had the fortune / misfortune to endure…sounds like a place that is best avoided! I am trying to think where I have heard of it before ( have I been living in a cave) could it from Joey in ” Friends”???
July 12th, 2012 at 8:51 am
Mmmaybe? I am pretty lousy at sitcom references I’m afraid. Where are you avoiding American brands from?
July 10th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Hilarious and/or LM*AO
Great post, you definitely made my reblog of the day and congrats on being FP’d.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:51 am
Thanks on both, Mika
August 14th, 2012 at 6:25 pm
You’re very welcome.
July 10th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Reblogged this on Publicly Mika.
July 10th, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Were sales down, or was some marketing “pro” worried about losing his/her job if they didn’t make a ‘fresh’ statement? Congrats on being freshly pressed.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:52 am
I’m guessing a little from Column A and a little from Column B. Thanks for reading, Richard
July 10th, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Funny! And there are Chuck E. Cheese fan sites? Who knew? I wonder if the message board there knows what the “E” stands for.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:54 am
Whoa. I never thought of that. Ellington?
July 10th, 2012 at 4:07 pm
I’ve one child, I’d rather eat crap flavored GLASS than suffer through another party at CEC. Never again!
July 12th, 2012 at 8:59 am
HA. Glass comes in crap flavor now? They’ve thought of EVERYTHING
July 12th, 2012 at 10:42 am
ha ha…. We can get bacon flavored milk shakes, why not crap flavored glass? Willy Wonka had fruit flavored wall papers.
July 10th, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Hilarious post!!! Thanks. And congrats on being FP’ed.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:59 am
Thanks for reading, Anita
July 10th, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Hilarious!!! “The baby has an ear infection!” I’m going to remember to use that line when my baby is born! LOL And I’m kind of saddened my unborn child will never know the original Chuck E. Cheese my two older children grew up with! Great post!
July 12th, 2012 at 9:00 am
Thanks, J! Congrats on the baby!
July 10th, 2012 at 4:34 pm
That Mouse looks so cute.:):P
July 12th, 2012 at 9:00 am
A rare pro-mouse comment! Nice. Thanks for reading, Ama
July 10th, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Reblogged this on Mashed Potatoes and commented:
Stumbled upon this news announcement (and very humorous post) by Jeff Vrabel. Thought I’d reblog his post to share as it applies to parents and children. I can’t believe the Chuck E. Cheese mascot is being replaced! If you ask me, this new rocker dude looks like a pothead. I bet he eats all that pizza when he gets the munchies. That was mean.
But seriously, Now my unborn child will never know the original Chuck the BK’s grew up with! I’m hyperventilating (not really) as the aurora of a “new generation” is already developing before Zhen Marie is even born!
July 10th, 2012 at 4:51 pm
[...] 0 Reblogged from Jeff Vrabel: [...]
July 10th, 2012 at 4:59 pm
I’ve never been to CEC and never will be. I’ve heard stories about poop filled ball pens and such that my decision has been made. This was a great and humorous read.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:58 am
Thanks Kizzy. And yes, I agree that the phrase “poop filled ball pens” would generally tend to negative affect one’s entertainment decisions
July 10th, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Looks like I’m firmly in the minority here, but as a child I actually LOVED Chuck E Cheese…Ahhh, the euphoria of the ball pit; the clunk of the skeeball; the thwack of the Wack-a-Mole! My favorite was the “mouse tunnel” under the stage, a clandestine land that could only be accessed through kid-sized mouse holes. I would make a bee-line as soon as the “band” started up and bounce around in the tunnels until my ears hurt and it was time for pizza. It was a sad day when the whole shebang was boarded up after one too many cracked heads.
*sniff*…Now I’m feelin’ all nostalgic.
However, I will say that the one time I visited The Cheese as an adult, I couldn’t wait to leave. It was, well, boring. Go figure.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:02 am
Wait, is that for real about the mouse tunnel? I never knew that. That explains probably where all my friends went though. Thanks for reading!
July 10th, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Great article, very funny. I almost feel like I should be sad that Chuck E. is getting the boot, but Chuck E. Cheese isn’t so much about the mascot as it is about bloody noses, knocked out teeth, children brutalizing each other, boundless fun, and pizza. With parents these days worrying about violence in video games and red food coloring, I just hope that Chuck E. Cheese stays a place where kids can go to get injured in a chaotic tsunami of fun.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:02 am
Well said, Landstand
July 10th, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I used to love Chuck E. Cheese as a kid, but I never got a birthday party there because everyone I knew was busy. Plus, I was getting too old for it. But Jaret Reddick doing the voice of the mouse? I might want to go back when I have kids. Then again, maybe I won’t. The place is haunting me since my dad has always joked with me about taking me there for my next birthday and I’m turning 24 in two weeks. There’s no way I’m going back now.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:03 am
oh my god please have your 24-year-old birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. You guys would KILL at skeeball
July 12th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
I would, but no one my age would be available. All my friends from college are doing things hours away. So I’d be spending it alone.
July 10th, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Chuck-E-Cheese…I never ceased to shudder at the prospect of going there, with its Oriental Trader gifts and creepy guy dressed as a gray velour rodent. The new mascot looks more like a rat. Great post!!
July 12th, 2012 at 9:03 am
Thanks, Sandwich Lady!
July 10th, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Didn’t expect a post about re-branding Chuck E.Cheese to be very entertaining but it was quite funny.
Also not expecting the new voice to be someone like Bowling For Soup’s vocalist! But they’re a pretty poppy band (and are like grown up kids), so it kind of fits.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:05 am
Thanks, Smez! Yeah I could have probably left “punk” off that descriptor, but I guess it does make sense.
July 15th, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Sorry, I meant poppy pop-punk. Ha! Even within a sub-genre, the music varies a lot. We can just say it’s fun rock.
July 10th, 2012 at 6:06 pm
You’re glossing over a lot, Jeff. I guess I say that as our local CEC has been around since the early ’80s. I literally saw TONS of changes. The reboot in 1993 that made over Chuck the first time… well, that’s when I knew the arcade video game era was more or less over and they were zeroing in on kids more than ever.
I noticed this because I’m still an arcade video game freak and I used to pop in as a teen. I got over it, more so when I became a parent. I still liked going, and I’ve probably got a lot more reasons to instead hate it than many parents. (Two words: autistic son.) I like to think I’ve also got a lot more nostalgia than some parents… phhht, I’ll always have a spot spot for CEC, warts and all, present popping ones included.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:06 am
You know, I wondered about that: Is CEC (or was it ever) a destination for people just into the video games? Did they keep up and all that? My memory of going as a kid is spotty of course but it never seemed like they were exactly on the cutting edge of the new stuff
July 17th, 2012 at 9:42 am
No, I don’t think they stayed on the cutting edge at all, but I live in an “emerging” area, and it pretty much was THE place in the early ’80s to a certain degree. Columbia Center Mall didn’t even get an arcade hangout until the early ’90s if I remember right. (It’s gone now, of course.)
Coincidentally, the 1993 reboot was also a merger with Discovery Toys. Our location downsized, stripped out a lot of the arcade cabs and put in playground stuff, including a “Tot Area”. 10 years time, though, and I was a parent. CEC became a place to occupy my daughter and let my wife catch up on housework alone at home.
(I will agree with the comment that CEC attracted a little crime… something DID happen when my daughter and I were there some years ago. No stabbing but the perp trashed a knife. Cops were on the scene and everything. Didn’t know how in danger we might have been until I read the paper later.)
July 10th, 2012 at 6:26 pm
I don’t think this is such a bad thing, nor does it signal a loss of innocence, but I DO think that a “hip, electric-guitar-playing rock star” might already be a little bit behind the times. Maybe not! I think it is, though.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:07 am
Right? Don’t the kids all listen to that crumbling electronic wub-wub-wub stuff now?
July 12th, 2012 at 5:38 pm
Exactly! Make Chuck a pale white kid with greasy black hair… on half of his head, because the other half is shaved. Put him on a synthesizer instead of a guitar, and bam, instant shameless hit.
July 13th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
that description kind of makes me want to punch your theoeretical Chuck E Cheese/Skrillex mashup. that’s a normal response, right
July 10th, 2012 at 6:36 pm
i’ve apologized to my father for dragging him into that place after reading this. I also sent him the article for a good laugh. I can imagine him trying to “brain” himself with breadsticks.
I always found Chuck E. and friends to be creepy. And never liked the pizza. It was always about video games and skeeball.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:10 am
Right? I certainly hope I didn’t come off as being anti-skeeball
July 12th, 2012 at 2:49 pm
definitely not. i imagined you and I playing skeeball with silly hats.
July 10th, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Boy am I glad I’m in Australia, where we just have really deadly snakes and spiders …keeps the kids in line. We send them out to the bush for their birthday parties.
July 11th, 2012 at 12:14 pm
LoL. Awesome.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:11 am
HA. Love this
July 17th, 2012 at 10:21 am
Feh, CEC came to Australia under a different name: Charlie Cheese’s, I think.
July 10th, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Chuck E. Cheese came from the same guy that gave us Pong.
Chuck E. Cheese and Dave and Busters are the last stands of arcade gaming, it all just isn’t what it used to be.
Sounds like some people have their work cut out for them.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:12 am
Crazy about the Pong thing. I can’t tell if that makes him a hero or not
July 12th, 2012 at 8:02 pm
Nolan Bushnell wasn’t the grand originator but video games wouldn’t have become popular if it wasn’t for him.
July 10th, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Haha, just what our kids today need…another punk rock icon…
July 12th, 2012 at 9:13 am
HA right? On the plus side, he could play dubstep or whatthehellever
July 13th, 2012 at 12:45 pm
“The Original Deadmau5″
July 13th, 2012 at 2:33 pm
HA. the old man across the table at the coffeeshop is wondering what i just chortled at
July 10th, 2012 at 7:50 pm
I remember the commercials but I swear I have never been inside a Chuck E. Cheese. We either didn’t have them in the New York suburbs or my parents were simply happy to take us to McDonald’s. I just asked my father if we had ever been and he just asked me “What is Chuck E. Cheese?” He is French but he has lived in the States for 30 years–you think it would have popped up on his radar at least once. I usually go by the rule if my father hasn’t heard of it (which by the way are many, many things), then it isn’t very important. Therefore Chuck E. Cheese changing its cartoony mascot to an evil looking 3D rodent= not very important.
As an aside, the blogger Perez Hilton was always reporting on crimes occurring in Chuck E. Cheese. It always seemed to lure the weirdos.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Ha! I wish I had that kind of accurate cultural barometer in my house. And yes Chuck E. Cheese does seem to indeed attract the weirdos, like stabby people and Perez Hilton
July 10th, 2012 at 8:02 pm
That new mascot just traumatized me. :O
July 13th, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Sorry, geek! Maybe some pizza will help you get back to normal?
July 10th, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I find the replacement of Mr. Cheese a little heartbreaking… I mean if they replace him… what if they replace cheddar cheese and use what we’ve always thought they used…
July 13th, 2012 at 2:35 pm
I can only assume you mean actual mouse
July 10th, 2012 at 8:54 pm
The new Chuck looks…skeevy.
July 10th, 2012 at 8:58 pm
Also, that he might run a crystal meth lab on the side.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:36 pm
or right out front!
July 10th, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Reblogged this on Impybat's Emporium and commented:
No Chuck, no! I don’t like the new you. You actually look like my friend’s creepy neighbor in cartoon form.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:36 pm
thanks for the reblog, lmpy! I’ve been struggling with how to pronounce that for a while now
July 13th, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Haha, you are most welcome! Impy works
July 10th, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Saw the new mascot on a commercial the other day and actually felt a little sad. As much as I really didn’t like going there (hello foreign substance on the bottom of the ball pit I’ll try to ignore), it was a part of my childhood. Oh well. Great piece and very funny.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Thanks, Fem
July 10th, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Wow. He looks rude and scary now. I liked him better when he was kind and, well, cheesy.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:37 pm
ba dump BUMP
July 10th, 2012 at 11:09 pm
Jesus Christ, what has this world come to? Who’s next? The Hamburglar? Screw this. I’m just going to make dinner myself.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:38 pm
in the Hamburglar reboot, he actually kills a guy
July 13th, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Sunuva…
July 10th, 2012 at 11:17 pm
Nice blog posting. I was the creative director at Eisenberg and Associates in Dallas, who created the version of the Chuck-E-Cheese logo and signage of the past ten years, that you posted at the start of your blog posting. I was very happy to help transform the old previous mascot signage, since it looked like a rather dazed and confused rat. I have always been proud of my work for Chuck-E-Cheese and was sad to hear the news. I will miss that little guy. I have to wonder, would Disney ever to such a thing to Mickey? I think not.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:40 pm
OK so have to admit, little intimidated that actual creative director marketing guy is reading this idiotic and partially drunken rant. Well if it makes you feel better, the comments here seem to be about 99% in favor of your work. So, I guess, cheers with a pitcher of Coke?
July 13th, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Make that a Diet Coke. Thanks. And it did appear to me that most of your readers were not quite ready to throw out the current Chuck. I was just happy to see your blog and read that people felt strong enough to comment on something that is a part of my professional life. Cheers.
July 10th, 2012 at 11:38 pm
Great article, very funny. I almost feel like I should be sad that Chuck E. is getting the boot, but Chuck E. Cheese isn’t so much about the mascot as it is about bloody noses, knocked out teeth, children brutalizing each other, boundless fun, and pizza. With parents these days worrying about violence in video games and red food coloring, I just hope that Chuck E. Cheese stays a place where kids can go to get injured in a chaotic tsunami of fun.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:41 pm
well said, wmx
July 11th, 2012 at 12:18 am
My first instinct when I saw the new mascot was that they trimmed down the chubby original to make him appear more “active”; also reinforcing and adding to the collective consciousness that “thin is in” – a subversive effort to subconsciously combat childhood obesity, perhaps?
I will miss the old mascot and join you in mourning its lost innocence. On the other hand, Mickey Mouse also went through some major changes throughout the years so perhaps CEC corp felt it was time for an update of their mouse as well.
Great post and congrats on being FP! Have a phenomenal rest of your week!
~Marianne
July 13th, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Thanks so much for the kind words, Marianne
July 11th, 2012 at 12:42 am
3d rats do not make good pizza. now excuse me as I have a brain infection..
July 13th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
2D rats don’t really either
July 11th, 2012 at 1:04 am
Reblogged this on TaJnB | TheAverageJoeNewsBlogg.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
thanks for the reblog, AJ
July 14th, 2012 at 1:10 am
Your very welcome. I thought it was very entertaining yet very informative from your perspective. Very well written.
July 11th, 2012 at 1:34 am
Reblogged this on Normal's Overrated and commented:
Whaaaaaaaaa?
July 13th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
thanks for the reblog, Mr. E
July 11th, 2012 at 2:49 am
Reblogged this on Pictures and Thoughts and commented:
They’re remousening the brand
July 13th, 2012 at 2:44 pm
thanks for the reblog, Jonathan
July 11th, 2012 at 3:54 am
Very nice collection and I really enjoyed your blog.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Thanks much, fashion
July 11th, 2012 at 9:28 am
REAL cheese? Damn. Now I’m not sure what to blame their pizza on.
I’ll miss the original Chuck. But…. not really. Those ticket-eating machines more than make up for any lack of expectation.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:44 pm
I mean, who knows what health metrics they’re using. “Real Cheese” could still mean it’s like 75% mouse parts
July 11th, 2012 at 12:02 pm
When I was a kid, the robotic stage version of Chuck was dressed in a tuxedo. 20 years later, he’s re-vamped into a juvenile delinquent. Connect the dots.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:46 pm
oh God it’s like the British invasion for animatronic mice
July 11th, 2012 at 1:12 pm
It will be of no surprise to you I am sure that down under( no,not Australia but down under Springsteen country in Nashville there is a clone kiddie mouse trap called Monkey Joes. While visiting my son, lead singer/songwriter of Tonic I experienced what I am so glad my kids didn’t have in the 70′s. My granddaughter was invited to a party at Monkey Joes where we were met with kids all hyped up on sugar treats from the snack bar running around with fist fulls of lottery tickets they used to buy their ‘fun’. What happened to good old Pin The Tail On The Donkey in the back yard where you would be blind folded and spun around until you couldn’t stand up? Kind of silly too but a lot less mouse trap gotcha gimmick!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Ha! Hopefully this experience works its way into a Tonic song someday soon. Thanks so much for reading
July 11th, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Great blog on The Mouse Whose Name We Do Not Speak. We do not speak it because when we do, our daughter wants to go there. My husband is a very sick man and actually LIKES to take our daughter to CEC – he is hopelessly addicted to the submarine game. I hope he is not sublimating his lost years in the Navy. The damn place is a casino for kids. Think about it. The jangling. The flashing. The random spitting out of tickets to keep the little gamblers coming back…
July 13th, 2012 at 2:48 pm
but you can stay home while they go into the mouth of hell, right?
July 11th, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Nice post.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:48 pm
thanks much, Things
July 11th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
When they stopped serving beer at our Chuck E. Cheese, we all got ear infections…thanks for the hilarious post!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:48 pm
WAIT THEY SERVED BEER THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
July 11th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I am so glad my son is 21. The last time I darkened the door of any Chuck E Cheese establishment was sometime in I think 1998, and even when my son was seven years old I don’t think he believed it lived up to the hype. You don’t go there for the cuisine, believe that. A cardboard box has more flavor and texture than what they’re trying to pass off as pizza.
Now his gaming pursuits are more like Call of Duty and World of Warcraft and any other interactive game where you can virtually kill people.
On the bright side, he has a four month old daughter. I can’t wait until she drags Daddy’s happy ass to those god-awful princess pony parties and makes him wear tiaras and feather boas and stuff. Kids’ party food is always abysmal, no matter where you go and I’ve always viewed kids’ parties to be rather similar to Dante’s third circle of hell. Now I understand what my mother meant when she said there’s no sweeter payback than grandchildren.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Ha! Congratulations on your mouse-imposed exile, and best of luck with those princess parties
July 13th, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I will go just to see my super-masculine son bedecked in a tiara. And I will take pictures.:)
July 11th, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Who knew! Can’t say I’m a fan of the image change, but the one they started out with didn’t sound so good either!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Ha! Thanks for reading
July 13th, 2012 at 3:33 pm
You’re welcome!
July 11th, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Hilarious read! I love your style of writing.
I haven’t seen any commercials with the new Chuck yet, but I’ve heard that some diehard Chuck E. Cheese fans are just OUTRAGED over the change. I didn’t live anywhere near one of their restaurants when I was growing up, but I vaguely remember going to one in California with my cousins. I’m not sure if I remember it as a strange blur of flashing lights, creepy people in mouse costumes, and grabby kids obsessing over tickets and prizes because I was only seven at the time, or if it’s because it really was/is like that. My guess is on the latter.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:51 pm
Thanks, Claudia! I remember being really into going when I was a kid, like it was a HUGE DEAL. But then I liked lots of terrible things when I was 7, like He-Man
July 11th, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I’m not a parent myself (I left the age of birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese far too recently for comfort) but still, “its lost innocence” is the perfect way to describe what just happened here. I’d say more but I don’t think I’d do justice to your commentary.
Too funny.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Too nice, Casey, thanks for reading
July 11th, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Reblogged this on Camp Sporaticus and commented:
Someone else is talking about Lost Innocence, and this caught my eye!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:53 pm
thanks, TC
July 11th, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Hahaha, lovely! I might have no idea what Chuck E Cheese was/is/will be, but I enjoyed your almost-uninterrupted-by-baby’s-ear-infection post a lot!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:53 pm
DON’T LEARN, BACKPACK, SAVE YOURSELF
July 11th, 2012 at 8:51 pm
I don’t have kids, but I totally get the “my kid has an ear infection” excuse. When I don’t want to hang with friends with kids, I just say I have a nasty cough and green mucus. Works both ways
July 12th, 2012 at 9:33 am
Diarrhea is ALWAYS a good excuse, because no one wants details about your relationship with our friend Montezuma. Just say “screaming squats” and you get out of everything from funerals to jury duty.
July 12th, 2012 at 5:22 pm
Diarrhea is the work excuse. You need no discernible symptoms. But I can see how it would work as an excuse for friends with kids.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:53 pm
I am learning so much on this post today
July 11th, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Thank
July 11th, 2012 at 10:05 pm
Call me a conservative, but changes like that really do scare me. Maybe becuase it reminds me that I can’t stay a kid forever. Sometimes I think America would be soo much more better and aware of everything if we just analyzed every aspect, of every aspect and decided to not change things that didn’t need to be changed….Chuck E Cheese mascot…no change needed. Most television..change needed
July 13th, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Ha! Good point.
July 11th, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Nice post Sir! I will miss ole Chuck to be honest. I always thought Mr.Cheese would have been well suited being a hippe weed smoking rat who just loves music. Kind of a Jerry Garcia type o rat, they always looked the same to me;)
July 13th, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Ha! Maybe that’ll happen on the next redesign in 2022
July 12th, 2012 at 5:33 am
So instead of fixing what is probably the worst pizza ever (seriously who did know they used real cheese) they reprogram Chuck E Cheese. I am guessing that this new mascot, will make the experience all the more awful for those of us who wonder “What did I do in my past life that I am being punished for” while either taking a kiddo to a birthday party or throwing their child a birthday party. Thanks for the notice.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:55 pm
If I’m guilty of anything it’s being too helpful. Thanks for reading, Melissa
July 12th, 2012 at 7:36 am
I giggled at “Bowling for Soup” and “punk”
July 13th, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Dammit I sort of liked this song. And good point. I retract the use of the deeply inaccurate word “punk”
July 12th, 2012 at 8:53 am
Reblogged this on Waves and Tidings and commented:
Chuck E. Cheese got a makeover? The new mascot looks like he is joining up with another bad makeover, Alvin and the Chipmunks.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Thanks for the reblog, Mike. CHUCK EEEEEEEEEEEEE
July 12th, 2012 at 9:53 am
Hilarious! I love Chuck E Cheese about as much as you do. I tricked my kids into thinking that you can only go there if you are invited to a party. Worked well until the stupid kindergarten teacher told my son could earn tokens for reading. I tried to tell him she was mistaken, but I forgot that kindergarten teachers are never wrong. Guess we’ll be looking at that God awful new mascot soon.
July 13th, 2012 at 2:56 pm
TOKENS FOR READING? what kind of sorcery is that?
July 12th, 2012 at 1:56 pm
I’m one of the lucky parents- my daughter is deathly afraid of that mouse. We went in there once and when she saw the mouse she ran for the door, lol!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:57 pm
You have a very, very wise daughter
July 13th, 2012 at 10:02 am
Holy crap, that mouse is terrifying! If that had been posted on the Chuckie Cheese window when I was a kid, I would have run back to the car and hid. Couldn’t agree with you more. Looking forward to the next post!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Thanks, Ratchet!
July 13th, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Has anyone ever stopped to wonder if CGI was actually better?
July 14th, 2012 at 8:29 am
Why can’t kids just be kids in America anymore? They’re barraged with crass humor and needless kick-in-the-nuts violence by the time they’re five. And people wonder why they bully each other.
I’m surprised the new Chuck E Cheese doesn’t have a nipple ring and a slutty girl mouse on his arm.
July 14th, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Showbiz was better. Long live Billy Bob!!
July 16th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
“The worst mascot for a restaurant is a rat.” Truer words were never spoken. haha
July 16th, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I mean it’s a rat COME ON PEOPLE
July 16th, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I seriously can’t wait for Chuck E.’s reimagining of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” as “Cheese It” and his inevitable sordid love affair with Lindsey Lohan.
July 16th, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Why does it have to be sordid? Maybe they’re perfect for each other?
July 18th, 2012 at 7:31 am
Did not know this! But hey, as long as he’s a “hip, electric-guitar-playing rock star”, I guess we have to welcome him to the party, right?
July 18th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
We should! He’s hip! He’ll make it a hip party!
July 18th, 2012 at 8:50 am
Absolute pure awesomeness. I took my kids to CEC two years ago, and I’m still finding their germs all over the house.
July 18th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
Ha! And mouse parts, I imagine. Thanks for reading
July 18th, 2012 at 11:51 pm
Thanks for the update! But Bowling for Soup is punk? Now I have an ear infection.
July 19th, 2012 at 9:17 am
Yeah, I should probably amend that description, huh? Changing now to “candy-flavored children’s music”
July 21st, 2012 at 8:33 pm
The new Chuck E. Cheese looks even more like a rat than the last one. And like you said — a rat (or a mouse, for that matter) is a horrible mascot for a restaurant. Who wants to think of vermin while they’re eating.
I have been to a Chuck E. Cheese once, and aside from the child-related anxieties, the food was horrible! I think every item on the menu had spent time in a microwave, including the salad.
July 22nd, 2012 at 11:25 pm
Mmmmm microwaved salad…
September 16th, 2012 at 3:12 am
[...] Chuck E. Cheese Replaces Mascot, A Nation Mourns Its Lost Innocence (jeffvrabel.com) 21.306944 -157.858333 Share this:FacebookTwitterPinterestRedditTumblrLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. [...]
December 12th, 2012 at 11:28 pm
I. Think chuck e. Cheese. Is. Not. Smart. Cause. They. Replaced. There. Mouse everybody. I. Know. Said. They. Are never. Going. Back. There. I. Loved. That. Mouse I remember. It. From. When I. Was. Little thats. What think. About. Them. Changing. There. Mouse. The. New. One. Is. Not. Even. Real
April 20th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
your a dick. how can u hate it, they serve beer and wine!